RELEASE/REVIEW: Unattainable by Jamie Schlosser

Series: Night Time Television

Genre: Romantic Comedy

~Synopsis~

The last person I expected to see on this tropical island is my ex. Although, since I never actually broke up with her, isn’t she technically still my girlfriend?

Yeah, I’ve got some explaining to do. And groveling. Probably some begging, too. Good thing we’re stuck at this resort together for the next three weeks. 

Corrine Harper is the only girl I’ve ever wanted, and I won’t let her slip through my fingers again. They call me Aiden the unattainable. Consider me attained. 

GOODREADS

~Book Review~

4.35 Stars

Aiden Legend’s, 21, happy life was turned upside-down when he lost his parents at eighteen. In the process of grieving, he also pushed away the girl he adored.

“‘The last time the world felt right was when I was with you.’”

But now that he’s got his life back on track and the girl he always wanted in his sights, he’s ready to make amends.

“‘I should know what you taste like. What turns you on. What you look like when you sleep. Where your most ticklish spot is, and how you like to be kissed. By now, I could’ve known your body better than I know my own.’”

Aiden’s a total sweetie and an all-round good guy. I flove that he didn’t whore around in the years he was grieving; he was just lonely and lost. And man does he always know how to say the right thing.

“‘I’d rather rack myself in the nuts than break her heart.’”

Corrie Harper, 21, has her quirks. Like I might have a phobia or two, but this girl made me feel totally normal. None the less, it lends the comedic elements to the tale.

Told via their dual alternating first person POV, the pair doesn’t waste any time making up for lost time or rising the temperatures on a tropical island with their hot and dirty encounters.

“‘Call me old fashioned, but I thought you coming on my cock was a pretty good sign for the future.’”

All in all, a sweet, safe, low angst second chance romance with a super epilogue. Theo and Hadley from Untrainable make appearances with Theo proving what an awesome big brother he can be. Still the story can be read as a standalone, though the other two in this series really are must reads.

Amazon US Amazon UK Amazon CA Amazon AU

~Excerpt~

“Why are you so hellbent on denying that we kissed?” he interrupted heatedly, splashing water to the side.

Some of the droplets sprayed my neck and chin, and I let out a gasp of outrage.

“Because!” It was my turn to slap the water, making sure some of it hit Aiden’s chest.

“Because why?” He splashed me again. Definitely on purpose this time. “Our lips touched. That’s a real kiss.”

Shoving my hands forward with all the force I could muster, I caused a wave to arc straight to Aiden’s face. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to hold in my smile when he sputtered and scrubbed his eyes.

“It was my first kiss,” I said, once he could see me again.

“Mine, too.”

I wanted to scream that it was my only kiss, but that would’ve been giving him too much power. “It’s the one that’s supposed to be important and magical. The one that’s supposed to be longer than a millisecond. It’s not your fault that it didn’t last longer, but I feel cheated—”

Without warning, Aiden lunged forward. For a second, I thought he was starting the splash war again, but instead of water, I was assaulted by a slab of hard muscle.

Backing me against the wall, he smashed his lips to mine.

Surprised, I gasped as a lifetime of pent-up passion overflowed in the form of a hard press of his mouth.

Now this… this was a kiss.

~Also Available~

Book Review 

Book Review 

Jamie Schlosser grew up on a farm in Illinois surrounded by cornfields. Although she no longer lives in the country, her dream is to return to rural living someday. As a stay-at-home mom, she spends most of her days running back and forth between her two wonderful kids and her laptop. She loves her family, iced coffee, and happily-ever-afters.

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REVIEW/RELEASE BLITZ: Pickle Licker by Allie Gail

Genre: Romantic Comedy

~Synopsis~

He had it. I wanted it.

And that's how it ended up in my mouth.

Oh, get your mind out of the gutter, will you? I'm not talking about THAT!

All I did was give it a little lick. Okay, fine, I may have shoved the whole thing in my face. Not my finest moment, but hey, the guy deserved it. At least now Saul Stryker knows I exist.

Why is he always hanging around here anyway? Smelling like bottled sin, looking way too hot while he casually raids my fridge. Just because his business partner is my roommate, Stryker acts like he owns the place. Well, he can't just help himself to whatever he wants, whenever he wants it!

So what am I, the invisible girl?

That's it – bring on the coal, I'm done being nice!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

For f***'s sake, it was just a pickle!

Why is this chick going all Bad Santa on me? One minute I'm having lunch with Perry and next thing I know, his weirdo roommate is hijacking my kosher dill and slurping on it like a demented bloodhound.

Da-amn.

Is it wrong that I may have been slightly turned on by the way she was deep-throating that thing?

This could get interesting. Because now I'm looking beyond the berets, Uggs and tacky Christmas sweaters, and noticing Jayne Pritchett for the first time.

I gotta say, I'm liking what I'm seeing.

And now all I want is for the little pickle licker to notice me.

Contains sexual situations (obviously), adult language (naturally), and possibly a few inappropriate references to garden vegetables. 
Just sayin'.

GOODREADS

~Book Review~

4.75 Stars

Saul Stryker, 26, hasn’t really noticed his co-worker/buddy’s roommate, Jayne Pritchett, 23, till she makes quite an impression on him with his pickle. Well actually it’s her pickle, and she deems him a pilfering pickle pirate.

“‘She hasn’t said two words to me in three weeks and all of a sudden she’s deep-throating my pickle.’”

This is a funny, steamy, low angst holiday read. Totally what I was looking for! Jayne is spunky, and holds her own with Saul and her roommate Perry, who incidentally have some good bromance banter with each other.

“‘Does your ass ever get jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth?’”

Saul kept me guessing a bit at first; I couldn’t always be sure when he was messing with Jayne or if it was just his personality. He was quite unfiltered, which led to plenty of innuendo which led to hot sexy times.

“‘You asked me to use my imagination….Come home with me tonight and I’ll show you just how imaginative I can be.’”

Any concerns I had about this dirty-talker’s reputation were put at ease when he rolled off with:

“…Or maybe she’s under the impression that I’m the type to get busy with any chick who drops her panties. Hell no, I’m a little more discriminating than that. I have more respect for my body than to stick my pecker someplace that everyone else has been.”

Then I breathed another sigh of relief when he divulged:

“I have nothing to hide. What you see is what you get—I make no pretenses about who I am.”

How refreshing it always is to find straightforward, sensible, non-broken singles with chemistry and banter. It was fun and endearing watching Saul fall all in for Jayne. He was definitely a keeper. Goofy Christmas romances rule!

Told via Jayne and Saul’s alternating first person POV, the characters are colorful and quirky and yet most of them felt down-to-Earth and normal at the same time. In fact, some serious props to Saul in regards to Lenny (and to Jayne in regards to Monroe). Those pissers would have seriously tried my patience—as in I wouldn’t have been nearly as nice with either of them. Marnie didn’t win any points with me either. Even as a mom myself (and maybe because I’m a mom), I would have been giving her some serious stink eye. 

I wish there would have been an epilogue but per the author’s note at the end, I can understand why there might not have been time. In fact, I have to say kudos to her for getting this book finished after her real-life ordeal this fall. So often we see the destruction of a hurricane on TV, but we don’t get to see the human element and her note is a good reminder of how it affects real lives. 

I’d definitely be game for reading future holiday adventures of this pair. I can certainly see the potential for more.

AMAZON/AMAZON UK/AMAZON AU/AMAZON CA

~Excerpt~

When I wake up Sunday morning, I am stunned to find the kitchen fully stocked with enough groceries to last for a month.

And a very large cucumber strategically placed on the counter, with a handwritten note tucked beneath it.

Found you a new boyfriend since I so tactlessly consumed your last one. Sorry about that. If I'd known you were vegisexual, I never would have done it. Say hello to Francois. The cucumber, as you know, is a very versatile vegetable and is not limited to fellatio so please feel free to explore all your options. Francois has already assured me that he is fully on board with whatever kinky fuckery you're into. Should be a match made in heaven. Safe sex, you two!

My mouth drops open.

Oh, he's dead meat.

Clutching the offending object in my hand, I make a beeline toward the studio so I can tell that smartass just what he can do with his stupid cucumber. I'm assuming they must be in there, even though Perry doesn't tend to stream on Sundays. They're probably working on their super-secret project, whatever it is.

Without bothering to knock, I fling the door open so hard it bounces off the wall. Yep, there they are. Both of them.

Waving the cuke in the air, I shout at Saul, “You pig! I know you are not seriously suggesting that I stick produce up my vagina! What's wrong with you? Do you shove random vegetables up your ass?”

They swivel around in their chairs, looking startled. And that's when I realize, with a horrible sinking feeling, that they're wearing their headphones.

Oh, God. Oh-h-h God. Please tell me that doesn't mean what I think it means.

Biting back grins, they exchange wary glances. Perry is the first to speak. And when he does, I want to crawl in a hole and pull the dirt in over me.

“Uh, Jayne...would you care to say hello to our viewers?”

Oh. My. Gawd!

Panicking, I do the only thing that comes to mind.

I throw the cucumber and run away, shrieking.

Born and raised in rural Alabama, Allie Gail currently resides in sunny Florida with her very own blue-eyed Prince Charming and a hyperactive hamster named Toot-Toot. Always an avid reader, she took to her keyboard on a whim in 2012 and that was the last anyone ever saw of her. (Just kidding – I did venture out of the house that one time, but only because I was tricked into it. Stupid hurricane.)

Her genre of choice is romance, featuring goofy but headstrong heroines and the sexy, snarky men who love them. When she isn't obsessively typing, deleting, and re-typing the same sentence over and over, Allie can usually be found snuggled up to her hubby watching B-movie horror, helping out with the family business or playing online RPG games while indulging her hopeless sugar addiction.

You can also find her on Facebook, so stop by and say hello. She would love to hear from you!

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REVIEW/RELEASE BLITZ: Untrainable by Jamie Schlosser

Genre: Romantic Comedy

~Blurb~

It doesn’t take much to become the laughing stock of reality television. Just ask Theodore “Theo-Dog” Legend. Once you’ve pissed on a fire hydrant in front of the paparazzi, no one ever lets you forget it.

Hadley Holiday is on her way to being America’s sweetheart, thanks to her dog training routine on a national talent show. Although she didn’t win first prize, she snagged Theo’s attention and he’ll do just about anything to make her his—even if it means being the butt of everyone’s joke once again.

Hadley wants a career in showbiz. Theo needs to get rid of that doggone nickname—pun intended. Pairing the two together on a new show sounds like a disaster waiting to happen... or it could be the best thing that’s ever happened to them.

GOODREADS

~Book Review~

4.75 Stars

Theo Legend, 24, has a tabloid bad rep and a crush on an up-and-coming talent show star. 

Hadley Holiday, 22, has found that the limelight on her dog training routine is more career inspiring than accounting, but will she still feel the same way when she sees the destructive side of the paparazzi?

Unlike so many contemporary romances that start out with the heroine down on her luck, here we find the hero down and out.  Theo’s practically broke and definitely lonely, but he isn’t broken and the tone is never angsty; it’s just heartwarming and in a place or two heartbreaking, but that just makes you root all the more for Theo to go from underdog to top dog. And the romance leads the way.

“Years from now, I’d be able to pinpoint the exact moment I lost my heart completely for the first time. Hopefully the only time, if I had anything to say about it.” —Theo

Theo is sweet, flirty, dedicated, and unfiltered.  It was easy to see why Hadley was attracted to him too.

“Being turned-on was way better than having a panic attack, and I was fully prepared to keep her in a constant state of frustration if I had to.” —Theo

Their entertaining banner flowed smoothly:

“My cock twitched three times in quick succession, her close proximity causing an ill-timed happy dance in my pants.” —Theo

“For the sake of my sanity, I really hoped he was planning to wear jeans for the show. And maybe some underwear with crotch-confining support. Like a girdle, but for penises.” —Hadley

And when it came time for their sexy times they left any cheesy lines behind as the writing captured the tenderness between them alongside some seriously steamy moments and moves.  

This is romance through and through. Theo and Hadley complement each other well, an important quality to a lasting relationship. They really did bring out the best in each other and knew how to inspire one another.

 “My entire life, I’d been shown greed and selfishness. It was familiar to me. It was what I knew. I didn’t like it, but I understood it. I didn’t understand this. Sacrificing so much without something to gain was unfathomable in the world I grew up in.” —Theo

Told via their dual, alternating first person POV, these little touches of humanity and moments of joy not only added substance to the story, but also make it a perfect feel-good holiday romance. I usually don’t care to read about “celebrities” but Theo and Hadley were such real people that it was easy to relate to them.

Speaking of Hadley, she’s sweet and genuine, and I seriously appreciated how she stood up for herself and took charge when she needed to. But her taste in Christmas music? *shakes head, closes eyes, and tries to pretend I didn’t read that*

Now her parents and their Christmas traditions are a riot! I’d watch a reality show of them and I don’t even watch reality TV. Speaking of future shows…I mean books, I’m definitely interested in Aiden’s but also can’t help but hope that Hadley and Theo get the opportunity to meet Estelle and Emery [from Untamable]at some point.  Till then, this is definitely going in my re-read pile. Romance reading is about relaxing and escaping, and this tale accomplishes just that.

AMAZON US / UK / CA / AU

Free in Kindle Unlimited

~Excerpt~

“Okay. Change of plans—pie first, cleaning later. I get weepy when I’m hanky.”

“Hanky?” Theo followed me to the kitchen.

“It’s a portmanteau.” Walking over to the table, I removed the foil from the dish. Steam billowed up, carrying the heavenly scent of apples and cinnamon with it.

“I’m sorry, a what?” Sounding utterly confused, Theo went over to a small white coffee maker next to the sink and punched a button. It sputtered for a few seconds before the aroma filled the room.

He grabbed two mismatching mugs from the cabinet. Setting them down, he leaned back against the counter while he waited for me to explain.

“Blending two words to make one,” I said. “Hungry and cranky equals hanky.”

“Isn’t the term ‘hangry?’”

“No, I don’t think that fits. I don’t get mad,” I clarified. “Just irritable.”

“It’s kinda like my nickname, huh? Putting Theodore and dog together.”

“Yeah, kind of like that.” I grimaced because he obviously wasn’t a fan of the combination. “I’m sure whoever came up with that thought they were being very clever.”

“They probably got promoted.”

“Probably.”

“Well, I’m feeling mighty humpy myself.” When he said the word ‘humpy’, I could’ve sworn I saw his pelvis do a slight thrust.

I almost fell over. “Excuse me?”

He sent me a grin that did funny things to my stomach. “Portmanteau. Hungry and grumpy. Humpy.”

That was inappropriate but also correct. I couldn’t knock him for coming up with his own word, even if it did draw my attention to his groin.

I tried to force myself to look away from his lower half, but it was really difficult.

Because now that I wasn’t scrutinizing his living quarters, my thoughts went elsewhere: straight to the gutter.

The gray fabric of his pants stretched over his crotch, and he probably wasn’t wearing underwear because I could see a very distinct outline of his dick.

I didn’t mean to stare at it, but it was just right there. Out in the open. And alarmingly large. It was like spotting a rare animal in the wild. The thing practically needed its own Australian accented voiceover.

Inexperienced as I was when it came to actual sex, I wasn’t completely innocent. I knew what a semi-erect penis looked like. The length of it rested against his thigh and the definition of the thick head was impressive.

I swallowed hard.

“Hey.” Theo’s voice startled me, and my eyes snapped up to his.

My cheeks were on fire. I’d been caught, and I wanted nothing more than to sink under the table and hide.

“Hi,” I squeaked, lowering myself into the chair.

“Let’s just blame the rough start to the day on low blood sugar. Deal?”

Well, that wasn’t what I’d expected him to say, but it was a lot better than him calling me out for eye-balling his junk.

“Deal,” I responded. Then for my own benefit, I added the reminder, “I’m looking forward to being coworkers and friends.”

His left eyebrow arched on the word ‘friends.’

Dang it. Maybe he did see me checking him out after all.

For the sake of my sanity, I really hoped he was planning to wear jeans for the show. And maybe some underwear with crotch-confining support. Like a girdle, but for penises.

Jamie Schlosser grew up on a farm in Illinois surrounded by cornfields. Although she no longer lives in the country, her dream is to return to rural living someday. As a stay-at-home mom, she spends most of her days running back and forth between her two wonderful kids and her laptop. She loves her family, iced coffee, and happily-ever-afters.

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REVIEW/RELEASE BLITZ: The Dirty Ones by JA Huss

*updated 12/23 to include a book review

Genre: Dark Erotic Suspense

~Blurb~

They said write what you know so that’s what I did. I wrote dirty, I wrote erotic, I wrote the truth.

And then they called me a liar. But it’s not me who’s lying, it’s them.

Our story isn’t for everyone. It’s not even for us.

So if you’re looking for the fairy tale and the stupid prince on his dumb white horse, move along. You’ve got a hold of the wrong book.

This is not your story, this is not your life, and this is not your opportunity to dip your frightened little toe into the dark pool of water and “try new things” and then pull it out and decide… #NotForMe.

When you go in with us you go all in. So make a decision before you turn this page.

Because I’m making one promise with this book.

Just one.

We are The Dirty Ones and this is our truth.

The Dirty Ones is a brand new dark romance about the secret world of erotica authors releasing December 4, 2018.

GOODREADS

~Book Review~

2.5 Stars

*May contain small spoilers but I couldn’t honesty express my frustration with this story if I didn’t touch upon the epic fail of the resolution*

When I first saw the listing for this title I was neither here nor there on the whole secret life of erotica authors spiel. Then at one point I read a blurb that said it was about a group of former friends who are tormented by what they did years earlier when they were in college or something, and it sounded a bit like a plot to a few horror movies I’ve seen, and I laughed.

“‘We’re locked in a room while a murderous crazy person runs free through a mansion. Will Mrs. Peacock kill us with the candlestick in the library? Or the wrench in the billiard room?’”

Never-the-less, when I looked at the book mystery plot it intrigued me.  I read the release blitz excerpt, the teasers, and asked a few questions (thanks again Eve!) I went into this knowing that there’s no monogamy here. I can’t do that shit blind. Everyone has slept with everyone. There’s ménages; there were orgies. And to be fair it was categorized as ‘dark erotic suspense.’  

So I compartmentalized all that because I made up my mind that if I was going to read this, I was reading it for the suspense angle. It was hard though to not gravitate to a romantic vibe. The story is told via Connor and Kiera’s alternating first person point of view, and while I agreed with Kiera that they were from and still living in two different worlds, I also believed Connor that she was something more. I felt the pull between them.

“‘I’ll never leave you again, Kiera. I’ll never lie to you. I’ll never cheat on you and if you fall, I’m still gonna be there. Because it’s my job to catch you.’”

I got caught up in them even though I was trying not to because I knew this wasn’t romance.

“It’s a new kind of kiss for us…A kiss that starts a new beginning and ends an old, well-buried past.”

The Amazon sample had already sucked me into the story. I related with the themes of a time and place that left you connected to people whether you’d seen them in six months or ten years. I understood how corruption, secrets, and debauchery can bond individuals at that time and place in their lives.

“The stars aligned that night we all met up in the woods. That’s how someone explained it to me once. Things…happened and then there was momentum.”

The opening is alluring and intriguing. I wanted to know more about these people and I wanted to know who wrote the book and who was pulling the strings.  It was more than just an I Know What You Did in the Tower and Most Likely To Write a Dirty Book. Or so I thought.

“Maybe no matter what you do or how hard you try, your dream and your future have nothing in common?”

There’s no doubt the first half or a little more is a great story. A solid 4 stars with the potential for 5. But potential is key with this book. It’s everything and the only thing. The premise and the characters had a ton of potential. The plot started out strong too. It could have been one of the best mysteries I’ve read in a long time. And it did have me turning page for quite a while.

But once you reach a certain point, the real genre becomes clear. This might have mystery/suspense; it might have erotica and dark themes. Hell, it has touches of romance too and gothic elements. And then it was if I’d put down all those books and turned on daytime TV.

Suddenly, it was as if CNN and Days of our Lives had an orgy. And out popped this love child which is the last quarter or so of the book.

Now what I wanted to know was did someone else write this—the ending. Cause it sure didn’t resemble the quality of characters and plot and development that it started out with.  In fact, everything it had established and developed imploded. It shot itself in the foot. The expression gone off the rails was made for this.

The writer’s guide to soap operas blew open and the most popular clichés and tropes came spilling out. Bobby Ewing stepped out of the shower. A mad witch doctor in a white lab coat with a German accent was the evil villain’s henchman.

Okay that really happened on TV. But it happens here too more or less. The elements that screamed clichéd bad guys and ‘I don’t know how to finish this storyline’ were all there to ruin what was a really good erotic psychological mystery-thriller.

Instead, it turns out that the psychological ploy is on the reader. It’s meant to keep you guessing and whispering…in your books circles to generate buzz (and by extension make money). It's lazy writing. Even the author in her end notes admits she wasn't invested enough in her own characters to provide in my opinion a satisfying and sensible conclusion: 
"Did they really have all that sex? I dunno. If you think they did, then they did." WTF?

So my advice—don’t waste your time. What pulls you in won’t deliver because it doesn’t exist. The characters that draw you in and seem real and interesting turn out to be idiots. And the reveal—the big answer—well it won’t add up any more than the fact that their senior year of college set in the US (when most students are 21/22) happened ten years ago (yes it say that many times) and yet these people are only 29 and 30 in the present!

AMAZON US / UK / CA / AU

B&N / KOBO / APPLE BOOKS

~Excerpt~
Kiera’s room is dark, so I force myself to be still for a few seconds, allowing my eyes to adjust. When the crack of light leaking in from under the door goes from barely visible to a golden haze rising up from the floor I step forward towards the edge of the four-poster bed, unknotting my tie and pulling it through my collar as I walk.

“Kiera?” I ask, pulling my shirt out of my pants and unbuttoning my shirt. “You awake?”

She moans, rolling over, one of her pale breasts exposed from her top, one long leg bare as it sneaks out from under the covers. Her hair is wild, splayed out on the pillow and half covering her beautiful face.

I want to turn the lights on. Want to see her better. See all of her. Never take my eyes off this woman. I want to make this whole nightmare go away. Give her something better. Leave behind my old life with all its expectations and just steal away

with her to some far-away tropical island. Stay naked with her forever and raise babies on the beach.

God, what the fuck is wrong with me? We’ve been back in each other’s lives for less than forty-eight hours and all I can think about is throwing everything away?

You’re in love, Con.

I hear the words in her voice inside my head.

You’re in love.

Maybe I am.

I unbuckle my belt and unfasten my pants. Drag my zipper down, trying to be quiet.

I don’t want to wake her. I want to ease into bed, slip my fingers between her legs, and kiss her mouth as she dreams. Make her come in her sleep.

I am one sick fuck and I don’t care.

When I’m naked I place one knee on the bed and carefully swing my other leg over hers.

She twists, flat on her back now. That one exposed breast caught in some stray ray of light that shouldn’t be there, but is. Like a spotlight just for my own sick, hedonistic pleasure.

Thinking back on the party at Camille’s house has turned back time for me. Taken me to the place I was, the person I used to be. The one who fucked her and Sofia—and sometimes Camille too. The one who didn’t mind sharing with Hayes or Bennett because they didn’t mind sharing with me.

It was an orgy. Group sex or whatever.

It was sick, and twisted, and very fucking erotic.

It was heavy breathing, and sweaty, naked bodies, and never enough.

It was never enough that year.

We fucked them all. Together.

It was sensuous, and uninhibited, and lecherous.

How did I ever walk away from these people? How did I ever live a day without them?

I place my hand on her one exposed leg and slowly slide it up to her thigh.

She moans again, mouth parted like she’s waiting for my cock.

I picture those nights long ago. At the parties. How Camille would always be the one to invite us in. And how Hayes would be the first to take her up on those offers.

How Sofia was meek, and afraid, and shy. And how she changed. How we all changed.

How Kiera used to whimper and moan as she came.

I want to hear that sound now. Right now.

I lean forward, crawling up her body, my rock-hard cock dragging across the sheets.

Aching to be inside her.

JA Huss is the New York Times Bestselling author of 321 and has been on the USA TodayBestseller's list 21 times in the past four years. She writes characters with heart, plots with twists, and perfect endings. Her books have sold millions of copies all over the world, the audio version of her semi-autobiographical book, Eighteen, was nominated for a Voice Arts Award and an Audie Award in 2016 and 2017 respectively, her audiobook, Mr. Perfect, was nominated for a Voice Arts Award in 2017, and her audiobook, Taking Turns, was nominated for an Audie Award in 2018. She lives on a ranch in Central Colorado with her family.

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