Wednesday, December 19, 2018

REVIEW/RELEASE BLITZ: Pickle Licker by Allie Gail

Genre: Romantic Comedy

He had it. I wanted it.

And that's how it ended up in my mouth.
Oh, get your mind out of the gutter, will you? I'm not talking about THAT!
All I did was give it a little lick. Okay, fine, I may have shoved the whole thing in my face. Not my finest moment, but hey, the guy deserved it. At least now Saul Stryker knows I exist.
Why is he always hanging around here anyway? Smelling like bottled sin, looking way too hot while he casually raids my fridge. Just because his business partner is my roommate, Stryker acts like he owns the place. Well, he can't just help himself to whatever he wants, whenever he wants it!
So what am I, the invisible girl?
That's it – bring on the coal, I'm done being nice!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

For f***'s sake, it was just a pickle!

Why is this chick going all Bad Santa on me? One minute I'm having lunch with Perry and next thing I know, his weirdo roommate is hijacking my kosher dill and slurping on it like a demented bloodhound.
Is it wrong that I may have been slightly turned on by the way she was deep-throating that thing?
This could get interesting. Because now I'm looking beyond the berets, Uggs and tacky Christmas sweaters, and noticing Jayne Pritchett for the first time.
I gotta say, I'm liking what I'm seeing.
And now all I want is for the little pickle licker to notice me.

Contains sexual situations (obviously), adult language (naturally), and possibly a few inappropriate references to garden vegetables. 
Just sayin'.

~Book Review~
4.75 Stars

Saul Stryker, 26, hasn’t really noticed his co-worker/buddy’s roommate, Jayne Pritchett, 23, till she makes quite an impression on him with his pickle. Well actually it’s her pickle, and she deems him a pilfering pickle pirate.
“‘She hasn’t said two words to me in three weeks and all of a sudden she’s deep-throating my pickle.’”
This is a funny, steamy, low angst holiday read. Totally what I was looking for! Jayne is spunky, and holds her own with Saul and her roommate Perry, who incidentally have some good bromance banter with each other.
“‘Does your ass ever get jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth?’”
Saul kept me guessing a bit at first; I couldn’t always be sure when he was messing with Jayne or if it was just his personality. He was quite unfiltered, which led to plenty of innuendo which led to hot sexy times.
“‘You asked me to use my imagination….Come home with me tonight and I’ll show you just how imaginative I can be.’”
Any concerns I had about this dirty-talker’s reputation were put at ease when he rolled off with:
“…Or maybe she’s under the impression that I’m the type to get busy with any chick who drops her panties. Hell no, I’m a little more discriminating than that. I have more respect for my body than to stick my pecker someplace that everyone else has been.”
Then I breathed another sigh of relief when he divulged:
“I have nothing to hide. What you see is what you get—I make no pretenses about who I am.”
How refreshing it always is to find straightforward, sensible, non-broken singles with chemistry and banter. It was fun and endearing watching Saul fall all in for Jayne. He was definitely a keeper. Goofy Christmas romances rule!

Told via Jayne and Saul’s alternating first person POV, the characters are colorful and quirky and yet most of them felt down-to-Earth and normal at the same time. In fact, some serious props to Saul in regards to Lenny (and to Jayne in regards to Monroe). Those pissers would have seriously tried my patience—as in I wouldn’t have been nearly as nice with either of them. Marnie didn’t win any points with me either. Even as a mom myself (and maybe because I’m a mom), I would have been giving her some serious stink eye. 

I wish there would have been an epilogue but per the author’s note at the end, I can understand why there might not have been time. In fact, I have to say kudos to her for getting this book finished after her real-life ordeal this fall. So often we see the destruction of a hurricane on TV, but we don’t get to see the human element and her note is a good reminder of how it affects real lives. 

I’d definitely be game for reading future holiday adventures of this pair. I can certainly see the potential for more.

When I wake up Sunday morning, I am stunned to find the kitchen fully stocked with enough groceries to last for a month.
And a very large cucumber strategically placed on the counter, with a handwritten note tucked beneath it.
Found you a new boyfriend since I so tactlessly consumed your last one. Sorry about that. If I'd known you were vegisexual, I never would have done it. Say hello to Francois. The cucumber, as you know, is a very versatile vegetable and is not limited to fellatio so please feel free to explore all your options. Francois has already assured me that he is fully on board with whatever kinky fuckery you're into. Should be a match made in heaven. Safe sex, you two!
My mouth drops open.
Oh, he's dead meat.
Clutching the offending object in my hand, I make a beeline toward the studio so I can tell that smartass just what he can do with his stupid cucumber. I'm assuming they must be in there, even though Perry doesn't tend to stream on Sundays. They're probably working on their super-secret project, whatever it is.
Without bothering to knock, I fling the door open so hard it bounces off the wall. Yep, there they are. Both of them.
Waving the cuke in the air, I shout at Saul, “You pig! I know you are not seriously suggesting that I stick produce up my vagina! What's wrong with you? Do you shove random vegetables up your ass?”
They swivel around in their chairs, looking startled. And that's when I realize, with a horrible sinking feeling, that they're wearing their headphones.
Oh, God. Oh-h-h God. Please tell me that doesn't mean what I think it means.
Biting back grins, they exchange wary glances. Perry is the first to speak. And when he does, I want to crawl in a hole and pull the dirt in over me.
“Uh, Jayne...would you care to say hello to our viewers?”
Oh. My. Gawd!
Panicking, I do the only thing that comes to mind.
I throw the cucumber and run away, shrieking.

Born and raised in rural Alabama, Allie Gail currently resides in sunny Florida with her very own blue-eyed Prince Charming and a hyperactive hamster named Toot-Toot. Always an avid reader, she took to her keyboard on a whim in 2012 and that was the last anyone ever saw of her. (Just kidding – I did venture out of the house that one time, but only because I was tricked into it. Stupid hurricane.)
Her genre of choice is romance, featuring goofy but headstrong heroines and the sexy, snarky men who love them. When she isn't obsessively typing, deleting, and re-typing the same sentence over and over, Allie can usually be found snuggled up to her hubby watching B-movie horror, helping out with the family business or playing online RPG games while indulging her hopeless sugar addiction.
You can also find her on Facebook, so stop by and say hello. She would love to hear from you!


No comments:

Post a Comment