~Blurb~
I’ve got ninety-nine problems and all of them begin and end with the Coletrain twins. Especially Millie Coletrain. I don’t know whether to kiss her or spank her. Either way, she’s mine.
Warning: This is an erotic novella with laugh-out-loud ridiculousness, insta-love, a smart-mouthed heroine, and an over-the-top alpha bail bondsman.
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COVER DESIGN: Aly Martinez
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~Book Review~
2 Stars
Jake Blackwood, 31, is a bail bondsman set on
finally bringing in Tillie Coletrain. Instead he accidentally apprehends her
twin sister, Millie, 24.
“‘This is how it’s all goin’ down. You’re coming home with me and helping me find that sneaky-ass sister of yours, and then, when all that I settled, I’m gonna prove to you that there isn’t one shortcoming anywhere on my body. You feel me?’”
The blurb and the premise of this story sounded fun
and I was looking forward to reading it.
Unfortunately, it did not work for me. I think enjoyment of this one is
going depend a lot on the types of reads you prefer. The story promises to be
an insta-love and that it delivers…or is it only insta lust? Frankly, I think it’s the later. But the lack
of relationship development aside for a moment, if you have issues with any of
the following, like I did, then this might not work for you either.
First—the love angle. Millie is a 24 year old
virgin. I literally groaned when I read that part because a virgin heroine is
soooo overdone, and rarely is it necessary to the plot. And in this case it
makes it harder to believe that Millie’ feelings for Jake are actually love. She
seemed more like a naïve, inexperienced girl who’s enjoying sexual experiences for
the first time and mistaking it as a deeper feeling.
Second—the characterization. Millie is meant to be sassy, self described as
“crazy, quirky, but surely loveable.” Personally,
I found her annoying. The title made me
think she was going to be a rocker (in rock band), but she’s really a Brittany
Spears loving, pop star wannabe. That did not endear me to her at all.
Jake is supposed to be a possessive, alpha man. He’s
really bossy and sexist, spouting off things like, “‘I want you to understand
who owns this gorgeous body.’” Sorry,
but the Women’s Movements have fought hard for the rights of women to make
decisions over their own bodies. Men who
think and say this stuff need a big wake-up call. And that’s not the only thing
that came out of his mouth that felt so wrong. At one point he observes, “I
could tell right away that she was made to care for others. I wonder why she
can’t see that’s her gift. She’ll make an excellent mother and wife someday.
Someday soon, hopefully.” While it might have been meant as a compliment, that
statement also has some subtle (or perhaps not so subtle) chauvinist undertones.
Millie has dreams of doing something more, being something bigger. Any man who “claims”
a woman, tries to talk her out of her dreams, and turn her into his wife and
babymaker is far from desirable. If a man has no respect for your job or
behaving professionally in your workplace, he isn’t an over-the-top alpha, he’s
just a plain asshole. That’s why I found
that semi-sex scene (along with the others) disgusting instead of sexy.
And then it only gets worse when Jake breaks out the
“I want her pregnant now” card. Thankfully he avoided the actual dreaded B word
(breading), but the message is the same. And like an utter doormat, Millie
agrees to have unprotected sex with a man she’s known 1 freaking day!!!
All in all, if you can tolerate a dumb doormat heroine and a brute caveman hero; you aren’t bothered by misogynist erotica; and you aren’t annoyed by a silly misunderstanding that could be avoided by actually getting to know a person; then this might work for you. But if you have a healthy sense of feminist beliefs and prefer more positive portrayals of a sexual relationship, keep on book browsing.
All in all, if you can tolerate a dumb doormat heroine and a brute caveman hero; you aren’t bothered by misogynist erotica; and you aren’t annoyed by a silly misunderstanding that could be avoided by actually getting to know a person; then this might work for you. But if you have a healthy sense of feminist beliefs and prefer more positive portrayals of a sexual relationship, keep on book browsing.
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